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Mar 16, 2004

インド旅行記 2003.11.27

インドに関する本→こちら
マザーテレサに関する本→こちら

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“NO!Please Just Go to Hotel!” “OK my friend. No problem! You happy Me happy!”
こんな会話からインドは始まった。深夜だった。全身汗をかき、疲れていたのでなんとしてもホテルで寝たかった。言われるままにタクシ-に乗せられ、旅行会社で口論した挙句、やっとホテルにつくことができた。
2003年2月25日、春GV打ち切りの日、それはのぶさん(今泉先生)の口から伝えられ、みんなを前にして信じられないくらい涙が止まらなかった。あの日以来何となくやる気が出ず、気持ちが乗らない日々が続いていた。GVを引きずっていた。そんなある日、次のGVのミーティングに顔を出していると、藤井陽子さんが勉強会のゲストとして新メンバーにベトナム語を教えに来ていた。勉強会後、陽子さんと話をしている中でたまたま聞いたのが、陽子さんのお友達がインド・カルカッタのマザー・テレサの施設でボランティアをしたという話だった。
GV,CFHに行こうか悩んだが、こんな自分が行ってもみんなに迷惑をかけると思い、どうも乗り気になれなかった。そのかわり、色々な宗教が混ざり合っているインドに惹かれ、インドが自分野何かを解き放ってくれるのではないかと思い始めるようになった。そして、必ずといっていい程休みには“ハビ”から海外に出かけていた自分が今回は“独り”でインドへ行く事に決めた。
デリーでぼられ、ガンジス川で沐浴し、仏陀ガヤで座禅を組み、カルカッタで病院に収容され、復帰してからはマザーハウス。。。1カ月じゃ短かったかなと思える程、毎日がゆったりと、しかし、あっと言う間に過ぎていく。
朝起きると何も決まっていない生活。その日何をするか眠気眼のまま、時には瞑想しながら考える。ガイドブックを開き、行き先を決める事もある。その日活きるか死ぬかは自分次第。毎日昼ごろに起きてきて、ホテルで飯を食べ、また寝、夜に酒を飲むインド旅行者たちも見た。彼らなりの価値観があるのだろう。インドはそういうところだ。毎日同じところに座っていて、タバコをねだる人もいる。本当に一日中そこにいるのである。だからこそ、活きなければと思う。そうでなければ簡単に沼につかまってしまう。
マザー・テレサの「死を待つ人の家」という施設では、その名にふさわしく見るのもつらいような、症状の人から、「見た目は普通だが、末期の結核患者」というような人々が暮らしていた。人が入れ替わるのもしばしば。その中でもボランティア達がせかせか、そして楽しく仕事している。一度だけ、ベッドから人が安置室へ運ばれるのを見た。5日間空けてその施設に舞い戻ったとき、ベッドには4つの空きと新しい人が2人きていた。その前はベッドの空きはなかったのだが。
夏休みに入る前の7月25日、中学時代から親しくしていた友達の訃報を聴く。それは余りにも突然で、仏壇に供えられている写真を見てもただただ信じられなくて、しかし、写真はそれがただ事実である事を示していた。ご両親のお話、友達が大学に入ってからは体育会に入り、元気よくやっていた事、しかし、長く風邪のような症状が続き、病院を回ったが原因がわからず、しばらくして、また体調が悪くなり、その時になって急性の白血病である事が判明した事。若年のため進展が早かった事、入退院を繰り返したり、最期の最期まで自分が直ると信じていた事など。そして、治療の為誰もお見舞いに行けなかった事などを聞かされ、そいつが独り寂しく去っていった。そして、それを自分は知らなかった。その事がとてつもなく。つらかった。
彼とここのおじいさんと何がちがうのだろう。自分はおじいさんを通して彼を見ていた。おじいさんが自分に手を合わせて「ありがとう」といっている。なんだかとても救われた気がする。ありがとう。おじいさん。あぁ自分はこの為に来たんだ。
孤児の家を訪ねたときのことである。そこには、乳児から3~4歳までの子供たちが預けられていた。ある時、一人のお姉さん格のこどもが、小さい子を押し倒していた。何をしているのだろうと思い、顔を近づかせてみるとI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU...っていいながら猛烈にキスをしていた。親の愛情から離れて暮らしている子供がほかの子供にありったけの愛情をそそいでいた。その場所が愛にあふれているような感じがして、そこにいるだけで、幸せだった。。。。
いままで、自分の中であれこれと考え、物事を複雑にしてきたように思える。つまり彼ら(自分)は解放されたいのだ。一つの意味がある事を知りたいと願うのだ。本然とは物事を単純にするものである。人間の本然というのは彼を一個の人間にしてくれるそのものである。例えそれがどんなに小さくても僕らが自分の役割を認識した時、始めて僕らは幸福になり得る。本然は人によって違う。なぜなら生きている環境が違うから。(『人間の大地』サンテグジュベリ著より引用)
そうだ。インドが自分に感じさせてくれたのは、活きる事であり。生の中の死である。
マザー・テレサの言葉。「貧困の問題を知的に知ろうというのではそれを理解することにはなりません読書によってではなくスラムの街を歩いたり貧困の持つ悪い面といい面について感心したり、残念に思ったりすることによって理解していくのです。つまり、私たちはそこに飛び込んで、そこに住んでそこに分かち合わなくてはならないのです」
「私のヘルパーとボランティアの皆さんへ。直接のふれあいを通してほかの人たちに気づいてください。カリーガートの死を待つ人の家にいって、本からではなくあなたが2度と忘れることのないような環境の中で現実の人びとのつらい混乱に満ちた人生をどうぞ、学んでください」
そうだ。本の中に現実はない。現実に活きなければ。。。
どうすれば活きられるのだろうか。自分は何の為に生きるのだろうか。

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